Memorable Quotes: Season Seven
GOODBYE CHARLEY
Charley: ...when I die nobody will care.
Harry: Charley that's not true.
Carol: Of course it's not.
Charley: Oh sure, like you're gonna miss me.
Carol: Charley, just because we've had a difficult relationship in the past doesn't mean that...Daddy won't miss you. Right Daddy?
Harry: Absolutely.
Carol: And...Sophia will miss you, won't you Sophia.
Sophia: Yeah yeah, pass the ketchup.
Carol: Come on now Sophia, you'd remember Charley if he died.
Sophia: Are you kidding, I can't even remember why I needed the ketchup.
Maxine: I don't know why I always let you drive. That's the fastest I've ever ridden in a car.
Laverne: Oh now Doctor, it wasn't that fast.
Maxine: Laverne it is now 8:00. We left my house at 10 after 8. We went BACK in time!!!!
Harry and Maxine must hire a temp nurse while Laverne is in Hickory testifying in court.
Harry: Did she say when she's coming back?
Maxine: She hasn't even testified yet! It seems there's been a delay. Apparently they needed the judge's robe for the high school graduation.
Charley: Hey Harry, how come you never take me bowling?
Harry: I took you once. You knocked yourself out when you stuck your head in the ball return!
Charley: Oh, maybe that's why I don't remember.
Harry: Maxine, why are you typing? Why isn't Doris doing that?
Maxine: Because she's weird Harry! She talks to the computer!
Harry: She gets the job done.
Maxine: Yeah, but she's weird!! Her locker smells like mustard.
Harry: You're smelling her locker and she's weird?
Maxine spots Laverne and old friend Matt reminiscing about Hickory.
Maxine: Uh oh, Hee Haw alert. Turnip truck at 4 o'clock!
Harry: Laverne, I'd let you go but this afternoon we're swamped.
Matt: If you're really swamped how about I strap on some hip boots and wade on in.
Harry: Well, great!!
Maxine: I don't know, hold on a second. Now this might not be what you're used to. If you don't mind my asking, where exactly did you get your medical training?
Matt: Oh a little ol' place called Harvard.
Maxine: Well hush my mouth and grab a lab coat!
Maxine: Alright knock it off you two, you're having too much fun.
Laverne: Oh come on Dr. Douglas, you know how it is with childhood friends.
Maxine: I guess.
Matt: Oh come on Dr. Douglas, you sayin' you never had any childhood friends?
Maxine: No, I beat 'em all up.
Laverne: Well that's a shame, 'cause you know what they say back in Hickory: A good friend is like a fishin' pond...
Matt: It's deeper than ya think...
Laverne: You can always see yourself reflected back...
Matt: Plus on Saturday nights you can get polluted together.
Maxine: Yeah we have a similar saying back in the Bronx: A good friend is like a fishing pond...good luck finding one 'round here.
Dreyfuss eats the cake Carol sets out on the table at Laverne's going-away party.
Laverne: Ooohhh, looks like someone could use some trainin'.
Sophia: What can I tell you, I smacked her with a newspaper but she left the cake out anyway.
Laverne is opening her gifts.
Harry: Ok here we go. This one is from Sophia.
Laverne: Oh Sophia you shouldn't have!
Sophia: That's what I told Harry but he made me.
Laverne: Oh y'all it's a photo album.
Sophia: It's filled with memorabilia of all the things we did together.
Laverne: It's empty.
Sophia: I know. We never did anything together.
Carol tries to get Laverne to stop when she sees her drying dishes.
Carol: Laverne you're the guest of honor, you're not supposed to be cleaning up.
Laverne: It's my party and I'll dry if I want to!
Sophia: Harry, we can't go to Laverne's wedding, none of us.
Harry: Why not?
Sophia: I had a dream. We were all flying to Hickory and the plane crashed! There were only two survivors.
Charley: Who?
Sophia: A salesman from Toronto and Madonna.
Harry: Sophia dear, just because you had a dream doesn't mean it will happen.
Charley: No Harry you're wrong! This is uncanny, I saw Madonna interviewed on TV this morning.
Harry: So!!
Charley: Obviously she did survive!!
Scarlett: When Matt sees you all dressed in white comin' down that long spiral staircase...
Laverne: Mama, we don't have a long spiral staircase.
Grit: She rented one!
Scarlett: It's all set up in the backyard.
Maxine: Wow!! We're talkin' Gone With the Wind City!!
Scarlett: That's where we got it!!
Carol: Daddy!! Daddy, oh my God, Daddy!! Daddy I have news. I have big news. The biggest news ever. Ahh I have dreamed of this moment for so long, I knew how I would tell you! It has to be absolutely perfect! Come here, sit here....no get up. Maybe you should put on a tie!
Harry: Carol please slow down! You're acting like...you're getting married or something!
Carol: Well thanks a lot, you ruined my moment!
Sophia: Tell me the truth. Are we lost?
Charley: I'm not sure. I could tell better if I had some idea of where we are.
Sophia: You never should've taken that turnoff.
Charley: You told me to!
Sophia: Why d'ya wanna listen to me for? I've got such a lousy since of direction, sometimes I think I'm getting younger.
Charley: You were reading the map.
Sophia: I thought I was, but it turns out I was just looking at the veins in my hands.
Sophia: Do you have any idea where you're going?
Charley: Sure. That way.
Sophia: Maybe you should let me drive.
Charley: Are you kidding? You can't even see over the dashboard.
Maxine: Harry you can't leave Hickory before you go down to Elmo's Bait & Tackle!
Harry:Why not?
Maxine: Because, if you guess how many nightcrawlers he has in his jar he'll let you run over stuff in his monster truck!! God, I love this town!!!
Carol: Okay everybody it's bouquet throwing time! Assemble all ye single women!
Sophia [to Maxine...they being the only two single women there]: I guess it's just you and me Shaquille.
Barbara: What are you doing with Mr. Fuggety?
Carol: He's going to my new abode with the rest of my furry confidantes.
Barbara: I don't think so! He was my present in third grade remember, to take my mind off those ugly braces.
Carol: You never had braces, I did!!
Barbara: I know, they scared the hell out of me!
The entire gang gathers in the living room for pictures...
Maxine: Are we done yet? Tired of lookin' happy, it's not natural.
Charley: If we're taking more pictures I'm grabbing another beer!
Harry: No!! No, this is absolutely the last picture. I would like to make it to Vermont before the end of the century!
Sophia: I would like to make it to the end of the century.
Season One I Season Two I Season Three I Season Four
Season Five I Season Six I Season Seven